Guilt

(Even the Smallest Bird Casts a Shadow ©2015)

Guilt

Guilt
As it is and under the radar
An undetected cancer
The puppeteer
I thought I just couldn’t keep up
Live in the guilt, but continue
to do the guilty deed, anyway
I can’t move because of guilt,
but I move because of guilt
A disability
that I didn’t know was one,
and lived with it, anyway
A liability
and just keep paying for it
not realizing it could be negotiated
I’m not a burden, my guilt is
So other people
really don’t feel bad about everything 
I feel bad to feel good
It’s an external life
Nothing to do with me
I want it to do with me

Sculpture – Paola Grizi, Courtain, 2015 – collezione privata, Venezia

Frozen in Spring

A LATE SNOW   

A late snow

Under a sun so cold

Like finally feeling old

Winter expressed

March is near

Anticipation waned

But the ice appeared

Unpredictably, uncontrollably

The answer

On the ground

The truth

A late snow

A cold sun

Delaying relief  (2015)

A long winter. A delayed spring. Either way, relief has to wait. There is nothing to gain. No heat, no light. Just a dull ache kind of day that’s Permanent Gray with a dim sun. Mountains like decayed teeth, to an oceanic wasteland. The sun isn’t dying yet we just don’t see it much anymore.

I get as much done as I can when the weather is affecting me negatively. Always trying to stay productive no matter the outside. We have to, right? Sometimes I want be as thick and still as fog. I can sit in misty silence until soaked through. On inappropriately cold days the sun is a distant lover. I try to forget about him.

There is emotional safety in the sun, but a physical killer if not careful. Perhaps the earth is still trying to sleep. She has been running a fever, but is still dancing none the less. I see the colors of her pulse in every due blossom. My pulse, a cold hammer on a cold anvil. Frozen in Spring, but I have work to do. No sun, no mountains, so I follow the blossoms.

Image: http://dustoncrowns.tumblr.com/post

Feeling Sick

Sick

Sick

A bug

A virus

Cure, need a cure

Sick, sickness

Illuminated brain area

Sick

Blue, the color blue

Fire, fire spot

Life slips

Sick

A bender

Pass

The state of this world feels like a stomach flu mixed with bipolar disorder. There is no balance in medication, and no recovery anytime soon. The green puss coating my heart is due to micro and macro environments. For now, all I can do is collect intelligence.

It amazes me how the body reacts, and even changes according to what is going on inside the mind. Life is inside, out, to inside again, and out again. Start with how you feel on the inside, and it is projected out – first through the body, then to the universe. The universe comes back, absorbed through the body to get to the mind. The mind decides to either take action and give back transformed energy, or succumb to what is being absorbed. The body and universe follow suit. The great equalizer is gratitude, no matter what is exchanging.

The body is being challenged therefore can feel ill during the process of transformation. And worse, if in the exchange is only filled with venom, then total sickness.

The world around me, close to me, and in me, is ill – and I look the way I feel.

Image: Sasha Vinci | L’Eterna Attesa – The Eternal Wait – 2008 – mix media

The Flags

Artists of all kinds, this prompt is for you!

Artists of all kinds, this is a prompt for you. See the photo above? Share with me your inspiration in a poem, painting, song, dance, whatever, and I’ll express my heartfelt thoughts about, or with your interpretation. I’ll post them as they come in on special featured posts. I can’t post videos or MP3s, but I’ll figure something out.

On Earth Day, I participated in the March for Science in Bellingham, Washington, and earthy it was. I listened to the poetry of scientists, ecologists, and the like all informing us of the threats they face as a community, and the threats we face as the human race. For some reason these three large flags waving together in the wet wind intrigued me. My only vantage point was behind the stage, so the flags are backwards.

I first noticed the large “Trump for President” flag being waved right next to the stage. My first thought was, “Okay…ballsy.” But right next to it was another flag; a large flag of planet Earth. No text, just Earth with a blue background. My next thought was, “Look at her, Mr. President, please look at her waving next to you. Let this sink in and change your mind. The two of you are waving together, please let that be the case.”

The Resist flag then made it’s appearance. I refused to go to the place of tug of war. I wanted to believe the Trump flag and Resist flag were sharing the Earth flag. Their unity, or battling, in this scene could mean so many things with so many possible outcomes. What do you think?

 

From Emily To Dad

Emily

The sweetness of a flower, Emily;

The gentleness of meadow down, a skill

Whose soul is brevity; a wit to thrill

With master strokes levity. A plea

For nature plied your pen. Aesthetically

Enchanted men do kiss those lips now still.

Yet, even Death and Time cannot unwill

Those lyric steeds that prance poetically.

O Virgin ravished by Erato, who

Begot a summer’s day, a lovely lea,

A humming bird; o Bride of Beauty, do

Make room within your chariot for me.

Such verses as define “a funny fellows,”

A lign with Byron’s rhyme and Milton’s bellow.

©November 26, 1962, Donal E. Doyle (b. 1933)

The author of this poem, Donald Edward Doyle, is my father. We are both fans of Emily Dickinson. One of my favorite Christmas gifts my parents ever gave me was The Collected Poems of Emily Dickinson. Though obvious, it was still revealed to me that it was my father’s idea to get it for me.

This post would be the longest digression ever about Dad’s history. I want to simply dedicate this space for private poets such as my father, and even Emily. Both of them had almost a secret relationship with their art their whole lives. Yet, keeping their poetry to themselves was not always by choice.

I wrote a short poem for Dad (or about him) a couple of years ago based on a video I saw. He was performing a dark and beautiful ballad on the piano. But as the video continued, it revealed something less. The artist is doing his job, the beholders are not. The ordinary minimizing the extraordinary.

the lens focuses
on young, old, and mundane
shallow chatter dominates
the camera’s interest
even in passive-aggressive lighting
attention merely winks at
the illuminated artist
his piano ballad will haunt memories
without creating them

I hear you, Dad.

(©2015)

Happy Poetry Month.

Big Different World

Big Different World

I want to see everyone.
I want to see everyone sitting
and standing and talking together,
working together,
partaking in differences.
Share your differences with me.
I want to hear your stories
as they stretch my mind.
I’m not afraid to handle 
how small I really am 
to our big different world.
I can face where I am incompetent
and you are skilled.
I will render unto you my entitlements
where you are denied.
Let’s see each other 
as we move, sleep.
Changing me won’t make you happy.
Feeling you as less won’t raise me.
But our energetic exchange
of passions, of ourselves
is with eye contact.

Image: “Weird Beauty” a project by the Russian photographer Alexander Khokhlov in collaboration with great make-up artist Valerya Kutsan.